What the EF

...And how does that make you feel?

October 12, 2022 Shain (Rainier) Miles Season 1 Episode 2
What the EF
...And how does that make you feel?
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Are you ready to learn a new skill (or improve a current one)? This week the topics of discussion are emotions and emotion regulation. How do you keep yourself from getting overwhelmed by your own emotions?  Is there way to turn a bad day around? What's the number one tool for emotion regulation? All good questions that this week's episode aims to tackle.

TIMESTAMPS

[01:32] Disclaimer
[02:48] What is emotion regulation?
[03:14] Process Model
[03:50] Condensed Definition
[04:12] Why do we need emotion regulation?
[04:45] Analysis Paralysis
[07:35] Mindful Minute
[11:30] How do we build our emotion regulation?
[12:11] Review/Follow
[12:49] Reframing
[13:58] Rose Garden
[14:43] Schedule Worry
[16:11] There’s an app for that!
[21:42] Final Thoughts


THE FACTS


THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT

The Tapping Solution

SuperBetter

Headspace


One-on-one Executive Function Help

https://www.rarebearconsulting.com

Buddha once said, holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent to throw it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. No, we won’t be talking about religion or even Buddha. However, we will be talking about emotions. How do our emotions affect our daily life? How do we keep our emotions in check when they’re stopping us from completing a task? What are some healthy ways to release or handle emotions? Stick around and you’ll find out.-


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 Ah, emotional control. This is a hard one, right? In the very first episode I gave the most basic definition: the ability regulate emotions. 
 
 Let's build on this shall we? Wait, before we go any further, it's important to note that I am NOT a psychiatrist, psychologist, or mental health professional. While the services I provide often overlap, I’m not licensed to provide counseling or mental health services of that nature. The content within this and every other episode of What the EF is not mental health advice and shouldn't be considered such. All information provided is consider personal and professional development advice. Also, while emotion regulation falls under the umbrella of emotional control, I want to acknowledge, that there are other ways to control one’s emotions. Today we’re focusing solely on emotion regulation. 

 

Alright, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s continue. 

 

So, what exactly is emotion regulation or emotional control, or…whatever? First, for the sake of being the least confusing possible, for the remainder of this episode, the term that I will use is emotion regulation. Second, this skill is about checks and balances. Emotion regulation can be divided into two main sections. There is explicit emotion regulation, this is actively paying attention to one’s emotions so that they can be handled in real time. Then there’s implicit emotion regulation, this is also emotional handling, however, in this case, it is something that is done subconsciously. Oh, and there’s even something called “the process model of emotion regulation.” This is the implementation of emotion regulation at different stages of emotion generation. I won’t be talking about that, but it is something that comes up in conversation about this topic, so I’ll provide a link to more information. Ya know, in case you’re curious. 

 

That was a lot of jargon and not a lot of answer, but since I like y’all and everything, I’ll give you a better definition. Emotion regulation is the ability to reign in or maintain one’s emotions…when necessary. I want to remind y’all that I’m not here to promote the neurotypical mindset. I’m here to get your brain working for you. Anyway, I’ll step down from my soap box. 

 

The whole point of emotion regulation is to keep our emotions from negatively impacting our daily life or causing some sort of problem that keep us from partaking or completing tasks in our daily life. 
 
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 Emotions have the potential to create barriers that keep you from starting or even completing a task. How, might you ask? Well, a good example would be analysis paralysis. Analysis paralysis occurs when someone overthinks or overanalyzes a situation, this results in the inability to make a decision. If you’re an overthinker or an individual with anxiety, I’m sure this has happened to you many times. But for other folks, this is a foreign concept. So, let’s take a look at a couple real-world scenarios where this could occur. 

 

Scenario A

It’s Sunday morning and you sit down to create a meal plan and grocery list for the upcoming week. Neither you, nor your family are picky eaters and so the meals just need to be cost effective and tasty. You open your laptop and you start searching for recipes. You spend a couple of hours browsing recipe websites, blogs, and even your bookmarked pages, but there are just so many options that you have no idea what to make. The house is now busy and loud, and you are needed elsewhere, you close your laptop and think to yourself “I’ll come back to this later.” But do you?

 

Ok, doesn’t sound like you? How about…

 

Scenario B

Today’s a big day. You’ll be presenting an important proposal or proposing a product for a prestigious potential client. If they like what you’ve done, not only will you get their business, but you’ll get a raise. The question is, what do you wear? You don’t want to come off as pompous, but you don’t want the client to not take you seriously. Fortunately for you, you had the foresight to wake up an hour earlier than usual. You sift through your closet putting together outfit after outfit until you look at the clock and realize you’re running late. You have no choice but to wear the outfit you’re currently wearing. You rush through the rest of your morning routine and you head out the door. You’re mentally exhausted and unhappy with your choice in wardrobe, but at least you made it out the door, right?

 

The tasks in each scenario could be replaced with things that match your life, such as buying a new phone, or finding the right outfit for a first date or social engagement. The point here, is that the underlying emotions are dictating your actions. 

 

I think this is the perfect time to have a mindful minute. For new listeners, this is the time where I give you the opportunity to practice mindfulness. Each episode, we’ll do an exercise that helps us be mindful. 

 

-bell chime-

For today’s mindful minute, we’re going to do an emotion check in. Find a quiet place and get comfortable. You can sit, stand, lay down, whatever feels best to you. Together, we’re going to take two deep breaths. We’ll breathe in for three counts and out for three counts with three counts between each breath. Begin. 

 

-15s breathing-

 

I want you to close your eyes and spend some time deciphering your current emotions. Do you recognize them? Can give them a name? I’m going to fade out and give you an entire minute to sit with those emotions.

 

-60s relaxing music-

-bell chime-

 

Welcome back. Were you able to discern your current emotions? Were there any that surprised you? This exercise is one that I’d recommend doing when you’ve got a swarm of unrecognizable or tangled emotions. 

 

Before we continue, I want to back track a bit. The scenarios provided earlier were assuming that the triggering emotions were negative. But positive emotions can create barriers as well. Excitement is notorious for being a distraction. Think about how you feel on the last day of school before a break, or on the last day of work before a vacation. Are you able to focus on any of the tasks at hand? If I had to guess, the answer to that last question is probably no. 

 

Now, I don’t want you to think that feeling emotions is the problem because, it’s not. Having emotions is healthy and the emotions themselves are valid. 

 

The skill of emotion regulation isn’t about not feeling, it’s about keeping your feelings from becoming overwhelming or hard to manage. 

 


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So, how do we do that? How do we keep our emotions in check? The first and biggest tip that I can provide is, get adequate sleep. I know this seems like a catch 22. Executive dysfunction is usually a symptom of another condition such as depression, anxiety, autism, ADHD, the list goes on, and yes, I know that those same conditions come with the added bonus of sleep troubles, but there is truly no way around it. Sleep is an integral part of emotion regulation.  

 

Speaking of sleep, please don’t hit snooze on us. Leave a review on Podchaser or your favorite listening app. And to stay updated on new episode releases, be sure to follow What the EF, that’s the letters EF, in those same apps. I’ve even made it easy for you, I’ve left a link that will take you straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Podchaser, depending on what type of device you’re listening on. Alright, back to what I was saying. 

 

Sleep aside there are a few exercises and practices that I recommend for emotion regulation. First is the practice of reframing. This is where you take an undesirable feeling or situation and you look at it from a different perspective. For example, you’ve just gotten fired from your job, you’re angry and sad. Instead focusing on the bad thing that just happened, you can focus on something good. In this example a good thing could be that you’ve now got time to return to school. This practice is also called “looking on the bright side,” but I try to use that phrase, because it overused and carries with it the hint of toxic positivity. 

 

My second suggestion couples well with reframing, and it’s of course mindfulness. Yes, I know, you’ve heard this phrase a lot. I think that means it’s important or something. Seriously though, mindfulness can be a useful tool in all nine of the executive function skills we discus. You’ve learned a way to relax and pinpoint emotions, how about an exercise to aid in reframing. The exercise is called rose garden. This exercise is a favorite in my household. It works like this, you have a rose garden, this garden symbolizes your day. In the garden there are roses; those are the good things about your day, thorns; those are the bad things about your day, and buds; those are the things you’re looking forward to tomorrow. If your day was particularly rough, I suggest that you write down your responses. This exercise gives you the ability to release the negative and remind you of the positive and hopefully provide a sense of hope for the things yet to come. 

 

My third and final recommendation is an odd one. Emotions are unpredictable in both their presentation and time of presentation, but what if I told you that you could schedule them? Yes, I’m being 100% serious. Studies have shown that scheduling time in your day to worry, has improved anxiety and mood. I will, of course, post a link in the show notes. The recommended amount of time to set aside is 30 minutes. Once you’ve scheduled that time, you carry on throughout your day, only, when worry arises, you jot down the subject of concern and move on. Don’t dwell. When your scheduled worry time arrives, spend that time going over all the concerns that you jotted down. This is the time to try and figure out all the details that come with those worries. Be sure to set a timer for accountability. When that timer goes off, you put those worries away until your next worry session. In theory it’s simple, I haven’t practiced this myself, but if you do this, please let me know how it goes for you. 


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Alrighty guys, gals, and non-binary pals, it’s that time again! My favorite segment, “There’s An App for That.” Today, I’ve got two apps and an honorable mention for you. Once again, I am not sponsored by either of these apps or the honorable mention, I’m only sharing them because I think they might help you. 

 

The first app is called “The Tapping Solution.” The focus of this app is to help you address physical and emotional pain through tapping. For the folks that don’t know what tapping is, tapping is a practice that utilizes acupoints to help you stabilize mood and relieve pain. It’s similar to acupuncture, but these points are stimulated by the tap of your fingers instead of needles. Which I am sure is good news for those of you who have a phobia of needles. 

 

The app free to download and use, with the option to pay for premium content. It is easy to navigate and it does have some in app accessibility functions as well as being compatible with native phone accessibility settings. Font is legible and the color scheme isn’t too harsh on the eyes. 

 

Now, for the content. As I mentioned there is both free and paid content. Upon downloading the app, you’ll be prompted to choose interests. These are things you’d like to work on within the app. Options include fear and phobias, pain relief, and sleep support. I think there is a total of 16 interests, and I don’t believe you have a limit to how many you can choose. Once you’ve gone through the introduction, you’ll be able to access the app content. The content consists mainly of guided tapping sessions, but there are other things such as daily audio inspiration messages and audiobooks. The entire app, including the audiobooks, is the brainchild of the Ortner siblings Jessica, Nick, and Alex, who specialize in all things EFT tapping. If you’re wondering, EFT stands for emotional freedom techniques. 

 

Anyway, if you’re someone who carries your phone with you everywhere and you find yourself in need of some easily accessible emotional relief, the tapping solution is a great option. I use it when I’m feeling overwhelmed or panicky. I know that’s not a word, but it…it is now.

 

The second app I suggest is “SuperBetter.” The app gamifies emotion regulation.

It’s free to download on both iOS and Android. You have the option of accessing it from the web as well. It is simple in presentation, but its got legible fonts and adequate contrast. There are no in app accessibility settings but is compatible with native device settings. 

 

On to the good stuff. Upon download and opening, you’ll be met with some set up and a brief description of how the app works. Once you’ve gone through the initial set up, you’re given your first few quests. These quests continue the app introduction process. There is no learning curve, and the app is really intuitive. You’ll add quests; those are the goals you’d like to work toward or habits you’d like to improve, bad guys; those are the things that stop you from completing your quest like bad habits or negative thinking, and power ups; those are things that boost your morale or things that have a positive impact like eating breakfast or self-care. Each day you’ll work your way through quests utilizing your power ups and defeating bad guys all while earning points and improving emotion regulation. You’ve even got the option to add “future boosts,” these are things that you’re looking forward to and another way to use mindfulness and reframing.  Did I mention that this app is also a social media network? You can add “allies,” these are the folks who you’d like to help you reach goals and who are basically your hype squad. I’d be happy to be your ally. My email will be in the show notes, and that’s what you’ll use to send an ally invitation. 

 

Remember how I stated that the biggest way to help with emotion regulation is to get adequate sleep? Well I feel like I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t mention Headspace. However, I’m not mentioning the app, what I am recommending are two Netflix specials that focus on sleep.

 

The first is called Headspace Guide to Sleep. Headspace does a wonderful job diving into all the myths and facts about getting a good night’s sleep. From preparing to fall asleep to actually sleeping, this Headspace special has you covered.

 

The second special is called Headspace, Unwind Your Mind. This is essentially a guided sleep mindfulness exercise or mediation, and its aim is to help you fall asleep. It’s interactive, giving you some control in the exercise, and honestly it’s quite soothing. My family and I have used this a few times and it’s always done the trick. Of course, your mileage may vary. I’ll provide a link to both specials in the show notes as well.

 

So, how do you feel? Believe it or not, there’s no right or wrong answer to that question. My hope, however, is that if you’re feeling some big emotions, you’ve learned something that will help you tackle them. Like I said in the beginning of the episode, I’m not a mental health professional, but I do want to share tips and tricks that I’ve learned throughout the years. These should help you with emotion regulation. Of course, this skill won’t be mastered overnight, and that’s ok. The goal is to learn the skills of executive function and use them. Perfection not required. What more can I say? I think that’s that’s perfect place to leave it. 

 

-fade in ambient hip hop music-

 

If you found the content in today’s episode useful, please be sure to leave a review on your favorite podcast app or click on the link in the show notes. Need one-on-one help with executive function?  Visit my website rarebearconsulting, that’s rarebearconsulting.com, to set up a consultation. If you missed that, that link will also be in the show notes. And finally, do know someone that could benefit from this episode? Share it with them! We here at What the EF, absolutely love word of mouth. Till next week guys, gals, and non-binary pals, continue learning to keep those gears turning. 

Disclaimer
What is emotion regulation?
Condensed Definition
Why do we need emotion regulation?
Analysis Paralysis
Mindful Minute
How do we build our emotion regulation?
Reframing
Rose Garden
There's an app for that!
Final Thoughts