What the EF

The Urge

October 19, 2022 Season 1 Episode 3
What the EF
The Urge
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Ever wonder why it's so hard to go into to Target and come out with only the thing you went in to buy? While this episode may not be able to answer that specific question, it will be able to answer some of the most common questions around impulses. What are they?  Where do they come from? How can we control them? Tune into this episode to find out.

TIMESTAMPS
[01:49] Defining impulses
[03:26] Where do impulses come from?
[04:08] Physics?
[04:51] How do we control impulses?
[07:25] Tip 1
[08:40] Review/Follow
[09:18] Tip 2
[11:07] Tip 3
[12:19] Mindful Minute
[15:04] There’s an app for that!
[18:25] Final Thoughts
[19:49] BONUS



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BONUS
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7828932/

Around 14 centuries ago, Saint Maximus the Confessor wrote: “A soul moves rationally when its desiring power has acquired self-mastery”. Today, the truth in these words hasn’t faded one bit, and they make for a great segue for today’s topic, impulse control. What are impulses and where do they come from? Why do we need to control them? And how can we learn to do this? Stay tuned and you’ll find out.

[35s intro music]

How many of you are guilty of doing something sporadic only to regret it later? What about hastily saying something you didn’t mean? Or how many times have you caught yourself singing that annoying song you don’t even like? Any of these scenarios sound familiar?  All of these things, whether small or big are being led by our impulses. Don’t worry, I am not some strict judge who knows better or really even a judgmental persona at all. In fact, all of us struggle with our impulses and I am here to do my best to help you. Remember, we’re on this journey together. 

Let’s take a step back and define impulse. The word “impulse” comes from Latin and literally translates into pushing or setting in motion. Later it was defined as a stimulus in the mind to action, arising from some state or feeling. 

Let’s go a bit deeper, shall we? First, we must understand that the stimulus is sent to the mind. So, whether we recognize it or not, our mind, at some point, is making the decision to act upon this stimulus. This is both good and bad. 

Let’s start with the bad because I like to end on a good note. It stands to reason that, ultimately, we’re making the decision to act upon our impulses. We need to acknowledge that, in that fraction of a second, we chose to say the thing we didn’t mean to say or do the thing we didn’t mean to do.

Now on to the good news. Because you have the final say you can learn to control these impulses! But who is this you? It’s the consciousness that enables us to think rationally, speak and do. It’s what separates us from animals and makes us far more complex than them. Speaking of animals, we also have to recognize that, similarly to them, we have a material body with needs and wants. This is where the second part of the definition comes into play: “Arising from some state or feeling”. Our body can be in different states such as hunger and tiredness. It can also produce feelings that are merely biological and closely tied to the previously mentioned states. These states and feelings are the root of our impulses. 

For all of my science-y people out there, let’s briefly talk about another definition for impulse. You know before jumping into figuring out how to control them. 

In physics, impulse is a term that quantifies the overall effect of a force over time. If you’re thinking, what does physics have to do with any of this, stick with me for a second. We can imagine all of these states and feelings that come from the body as forces acting upon us. During the time they affect us, there is an impulse. It would be therefore logical to strive to lower the intensity of these forces, as well as how long they rule us. Okay, enough definitions, let’s get practical!

They key in gaining control over our impulses is to engage the consciousness we just talked about. It sounds easy, right? But we all know that it’s easier to said than done. Our goal should be that every single one of our actions and thoughts, no matter how big or how miniscule, have to be previously “approved” by our conscience. But is there a way to accomplish this? And, more importantly, why would we put ourselves through so much struggle? The reality is, only by doing this we can strive to fulfill the dignity we are given as human beings. Our consciousness is what makes us unique, and as long as we are enslaving it to our impulses we are slowly turning our back on what it means to be human. Phew. Did I do it? Did I win the Oscar? No, but seriously, when we started this journey of bettering ourselves, we knew it would be hard. However, it can also be very rewarding. 

I said we were going to get practical, so let’s do it.

My first tip on how to put all of this into practice and not just have it as a topic at the dinner table, is…drum roll please [drum roll sound effect] working on waking up your mind. I am guessing I’ve lost some of you. You’re probably thinking “aren’t we awake most hours of a day?” Well, technically yes. But while you are putting your clothes on are you thinking about how to do this? What about your commute to work, are you thinking about which road to take? Probably not, right? These repetitive tasks are rooted in your brain. In fact, if you thought about all of this, it would be very exhausted by the end of the day. But let’s go one step further? How many times have you accidently made the wrong turn while driving, because muscle memory kicked in?  This is because we put our brain on auto pilot when really, we shouldn’t. And make habits out of actions that shouldn’t be habits. Therefore, awakening our minds is crucial. 

Here are two ways to do this:

1.      Journaling. Journal throughout the day. When you’ve got the urge to be impulsive OR after you’ve done something impulsive, write about it. Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself: What am I doing? What is this behavior rooted in? What do I want to be doing instead? Then, when presented with the same or similar situations, try to remind yourself to be present. Have your inner voice guide you and tell you what to do, don’t just let go and default to auto pilot.

2.      Play games that engage your critical thinking skills. These games can be played on any platform, mobile devices, gaming consoles or even tabletop. I would, however, suggest that you have at least one game that you can carry with you. One of my favorite games for critical thinking is Reversi, I believe it’s also called Go in other countries. 

Oh, before I forget, if you’re enjoying today’s episode, or you’re just enjoying my company, follow What the EF on your favorite listening app so you can be notified about new episodes. While you’re there, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review so other folks can find us and enjoy this and other episodes as well. Don’t worry, I even made it easy for you! I’m going to drop a link in the show notes for you to click on and it will take you to the review site. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

My second tip on how to control your impulses is to implement new and healthier habits that DON’T feed the root emotion or emotions of your impulses. By having habits that are not indulging these overwhelming feelings, you learn to control the impulse and listen to your conscious more clearly. In turn, you lower the intensity of the force that creates the impulses. Each of you will have to be creative and decide what habit you need to implement to replace the old one. For example, if you’d like to stop swearing the obvious solution would be to replace the swear words with more polite variations. While this is a good solution, it would also be wise to avoid situations that are more likely to cause you to swear, at least until you’re able to better control the underlying emotions. Shameless plug alert. If you haven’t already, check out the previous episode, it talks about just that. Back to what I was saying. If you tend to get overwhelmed and emotional in certain situations, you can try taking a small break to gather your thoughts or go for a walk to give your mind a reset. You know, start small. Many of us like to imagine ourselves doing and being something big, and in these fantasies, we forget the small things. You should also be aware that these “small things” (I am doing air-quotes if you haven’t caught on), are not as small as they seem. They add up, day after day. Remind yourself of this next time you are trying to take a break.

My third and final tip is one that we’ve briefly covered in the previous tips: It’s stop, breathe, and think. While this tip seems simple, it really can be challenging when faced with intense emotions. How many times have you found yourself blurting out hurtful or insensitive things when you’re in a situation where tensions are running high? I imagine we’ve all done something like this at least once. I know I have. However, had we taken a moment to stop, breathe, and think about what we wanted to say, we might have avoided hurting the feelings of others and maybe, just maybe we could have defused the situation instead of making it worse. If you’ve got someone who you can trust, you can also try asking them to remind you of this practice. I think those close to you will be super happy that you are trying to do better, and they will be eager to help. 

It seems like now is a perfect time for a mindful minute. For the folks that are new here (and as a refresher for returning listeners) a mindful minute is the segment where we practice a mindfulness exercise.

[bell chime]

Let’s take a moment to work on a breathing technique that can help you calm down. This breathing technique is called “tactical breathing.” We’ll take a deep breath in, breathing through our nose for four counts and release, once again breathing through our nose for four counts. Let’s begin in 2…3…4 out 2…3…4. In 2…3…4, out 2…3…4. Continue this pattern for the next minute. I’ll fade out so you can focus on your breathing. 

[60s calming music, bell chime]

I hope you’re feeling calmer. This exercise is a good one to utilize in those moments where you’re feeling impulsive or emotionally overwhelmed. It will help ground you and recenter your focus. This technique is so affective that Navy SEALS use it to help calm themselves during combat. AND if you stick around till the very end of this episode, I’ll even give you and EXTRA fun fact and tip.

Now that we’re feeling a bit more relaxed, hopefully, it’s time for my favorite part of the show. There’s an app for that! (I really need a jingle for this section) Anyway as a reminder, I am not sponsored by this app, and I have no reason to suggest it, other than the fact that I think it could be helpful. Now, on to the app. 

Today’s app is Breathwork. First the basics. It’s free to download on both iOS and Android, with the option to pay for premium content. If you’d like to try the premium content, there is a 7-day free trial when you choose the “pay annually” option. There are no in app accessibility options, but the app seems to work with native accessibility settings such as screen readers and adaptive display. The color contrast is great and there isn’t a ton of clutter or a bunch of information on each screen. I thoroughly enjoy the fact that this app gives you the option to customize what information gets sent in push notifications to your device. This small detail is often overlooked by app developers, and I’m always grateful when simple things like this are present within an app.

Okay, let’s talk about the experience. After downloading and starting up the app, you’ll be met with a series of screens that will collect some general information; your birthdate, gender, the time you wake up and go to sleep, oh and what you’d like to use Breathwork to help you improve.  You can skip the personal data collection screens, just look under the prompt for the “skip” button. Once you finish the setup, you’ll be taken to your home screen. In app navigation is smooth and intuitive and unlike with other apps, breathing is the sole focus here. If you choose to answer the questions about waking and sleeping times, the app will set out a routine and provide exercises for you to do throughout the day, all based on YOUR schedule. With one quick look, it’s easy to know what type of exercise is recommended as the categories (there about five of them) are color coded. In addition to exercises, there are classes. These are extended exercises that are guided by instructors who will also discuss the science behind the style and pattern of breathing found within the class. Speaking of guides, the general exercises aren’t guided like meditations. Some have narration and others have you follow prompts on the screen. You even get to pick what image you’d like to see on the screen while you practice your breathing. The current options are a growing and shrinking circle, a dot following a wavy line, or a breathing monkey. There is promise of more options in the future.

This app is stellar for building habits and for moments when you’re feeling impulsive or extremely emotionally stimulated. As always, I’ll leave a link in the show notes.

So, next time you run into Target to grab some toilet paper or milk, or whatever that one item is, be sure you’re listening to this episode or utilizing those tips I gave you. Not only will it help you with those impulse buys, but it might just save your wallet too.

If you found the content in today’s episode useful, please be sure to leave a review on your favorite podcast app or click on the link in the show notes. Need one-on-one counseling with executive function?  Visit my website rarebearconsulting, that’s rarebearconsulting.com, to set up a consultation. If you missed that, that link will also be in the show notes. And finally, do you know someone that could benefit from this podcast, share it with them! We here at What the EF, absolutely love word of mouth. Till next week guys, gals, and non-binary pals, continue learning to keep those gears turning. 

Wait, are you still listening? If you are, give yourself a pat on the back AND as a token of my appreciation, I’ll make good on my promise. I know that the previous episode was about emotions, but this fun fact could apply here too. So, here’s the fact, researchers have found that after exposure to trauma, and I mean directly after, playing Tetris can reduce the incidence of intrusive memories related to the trauma. If you don’t believe me, check the link in the show notes. So, after you experience something traumatic, grab that controller or your phone and play Tetris. Ok seriously, this time, the show really is over. Bye….

Where do impulses come from?
Where do impulses come from?
Defining impulses
Where do impulses come from?
Physcs?
How do we control impulses?
Tip 1
Review/Follow
Tip 2
Tip 3
Mindful Minute
There's an app for that!
Final Thoughts
BONUS